Monkey Joe's

In Atlanta there's a place called "Monkey Joe's" where you can jump in bounce houses or ride in little cars. It's basically awesome.

My handlers seemed to think I had won some kind of race in my car. I was too embarrassed to point out to them that the car didn't move at all. I might as well let them have their little fantasies.

My feet...

I don't think they smell that bad. He is clearly exaggerating.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

My male handler and I are pictured here in themed Halloween dress. I am a ferocious dinosaur and he, a cowering caveman likely to become my next meal. I feel this is a good metaphor for our actual relationship.

My attention to scientific detail compels me to mention that there is no moment in the geological record where dinosaurs and homo sapiens shared the planet.

Our costumes are not meant to reflect an accurate archaeological portrait, but rather to stand as a meditation on pop cultural conceptions of pre-history.

The Perfect Pumpkin!

This year, I got the Pumpkin Selection Process down to a science. 1) Research all available options.

2) Create an artist's rendition of the ideal pumpkin. (My chosen medium is bath paints).

3) NEVER COMPROMISE on your vision (even if some moron tries to get you to buy a GREEN pumpkin... AS IF!!!)

4) Finally, hand-pick the best one.

Good luck Pumpkin-hunting, everyone!

Horses vs Cats

While horses are fun to ride (see my last post), cats are not well adapted to being beasts of burden. Recent experience tells me that cats are too rebellious/good-with-claws to be easily ridden.

Going Live...

Having trained on simulators (see last post) I was practiced enough to attempt a live action scenario. Though I am but young, my masterly equestrianism impressed all present.

The Trigger to my Roy Rogers

Every knight needs a faithful steed.

Sultan of Swing

It is not a good way to actually get anywhere, but if you're looking for a good time try the thrill ride known as "the swing".

So Smooth...

My train trip from Philly ended in Atlanta, GA, where an accomplished smoothie maker instructed me in the art of "smoothing".

I am of the considered opinion that all fruit tastes better once it has been smoothed.